1. A used car salesman: “Look, Pete, I know my rep’s a little tarnished, but let me tell you, those clouds used to be a dusty lot full of lemons. I turned them into fluffy gold! Give me a heavenly test drive, I’ll prove I’m pure profit!”
2. A mime: Hands Peter an invisible accordion and starts playing a silent heavenly serenade. Peter rolls his eyes, sighs, and lets him in.
3. Kim Kardashian: “Honey, I practically invented heaven with all these selfies. Plus, I bring endless entertainment value. Can you imagine the harp lessons with me?”
4. Donald Trump: “Peter, my guy, let me tell you, nobody builds pearly gates like me. Huge, beautiful gates, the best gates anyone’s ever seen. And let me tell you, heaven needs a wall. A big, beautiful, heavenly wall to keep out the… well, everyone else.”
5. Mother Teresa: Gives Peter a withering stare and a disappointed click of the tongue. “Peter, those sandals. Have you no respect for this heavenly carpet?”
6. An accountant: “I can audit those harpists’ hours, wrangle those cherubs’ expense reports, and get your cloud storage costs under control. Peter, I’m basically heaven’s financial angel.”
7. Kanye West: “Look, dude, I know I haven’t exactly been a choirboy, but heaven needs a soundtrack. And let me tell you, my heavenly album will be YUGE. It’ll be the greatest symphony the clouds have ever heard.”
8. A conspiracy theorist: “Peter, man, have you looked at those halos? Fake news! They’re all government surveillance drones! I’m here to expose the truth!”
9. Elon Musk: “Dude, I literally sent a car to Mars. How much cooler can you get? Plus, I have rockets, you have clouds. We could totally make this place space-worthy.”
10. A reality TV star: “Peter, this line is longer than the wait for my next season premiere! Can’t you bump me up? I have confessionals to film and angels to shade!”
11. Mark Zuckerberg: “Peter, listen. Heaven needs social media. I can connect the saints, share recipes for ambrosia, and make those pearly gates go viral!”
12. A procrastinator: “Uh, hi Peter. So, about this whole getting-in thing… could you maybe give me a rain check? I have, like, a couple of more episodes of that series to watch and, yeah, maybe a nap.”
13. A vegan: “Peter, those harps? Made from animal sinew! Unacceptable! And those clouds? Raining down animal-based manna? I demand vegan options!”
14. A comedian: “Hey, Pete. So, what’s the deal with eternal life? No wi-fi, no pizza, and all the good jokes are already told? Talk about a punishment disguised as a reward!”
15. A gamer: “Dude, this queue is brutal! Any chance I can respawn a bit closer to the front? And can I level up my harp after a few thousand songs?”
16. A fashionista: “Peter, darling, this pearly white is SO last millennium. Heaven needs a makeover! Imagine runway clouds and halo haute couture. I’m the angel this place needs!”
17. A hypochondriac: “Excuse me, Peter, but those clouds look a little… dusty. And that harp, is it sanitized? And what about the chance of rogue meteor showers? Can I get a heavenly health insurance plan?”
18. A politician: “Peter, my friend, I come bearing promises! More clouds, brighter harps, even bigger halos for my constituents. Just look at my heavenly polls!”
19. A librarian: “Excuse me, but your heavenly filing system is atrocious! Angels wandering around with scrolls? Where’s the Dewey Decimal System? I can fix this, Peter.”
20. A sleep-deprived parent: “Peter, you wouldn’t understand. I haven’t slept in centuries. Just give me a cloud, a lullaby, and I’ll be the quietest angel you’ve ever seen.”
21. A dog: Wags tail, licks Peter’s face, begs for heavenly treats.
22. A cat: Sniffs Peter’s leg, curls up on a cloud, judges everyone silently.
23. A sloth: *Hangs upside down from a harp, looks at Peter with bleary eyes, mutters, “Later.” Falls asleep.

1. A conspiracy theorist (Part 2): “Peter, I know what you’re thinking! That halo? Illuminati symbol! Those clouds? Chemtrails! This whole heaven thing is a simulation! I’m here to unplug you from the Matrix!”
2. A YouTuber: “Dude, the views from these clouds are INSANE! Imagine the content I could create! Heavenly challenges, harp covers, angel mukbangs… I’ll make heaven go viral, bro!”
3. A chef: “Peter, those angels are roasting their ambrosia all wrong! I can get this place Michelin-starred in no time. Plus, I’ll invent cloud soufflé and harpist high tea. You won’t regret it!”
4. A librarian (Part 2): “Peter, listen! I’ve cracked the code of the angelic scrolls. They hold the secrets of the universe! With me in heaven, knowledge will reign supreme!”
5. A comedian (Part 2): “Okay, okay, I lied about the no-jokes thing. But come on, Peter, eternity is a LONG time. I gotta keep the spirits high, right? Imagine the heavenly stand-up specials!”
6. A sleep-deprived parent (Part 2): “Peter, just a quick lullaby for the cherubs and I’ll be on my way… sings angelically in an exhausted voice Hush little cherub, don’t you cry, mamma’s gonna sing you a lullaby…” falls asleep mid-song
7. A procrastinator (Part 2): “Look, Peter, I know I should be in, but there’s this unfinished to-do list down there… and Netflix just added a new season… can I come in later? I promise I’ll catch up on eternity eventually!”
8. A dog (Part 2): Sits at Peter’s feet, looks up with puppy eyes, tail wags into overdrive. “Belly rubs? Please?”
9. A cat (Part 2): Leaps onto Peter’s shoulder, purrs smugly, knocks over a harp with its tail. “Just making sure things are comfortable here.”
10. A rock: Stares silently at Peter, defying explanation. “Just here to observe.”

1. Putin: Adjusts his suit, stares down Peter with steely eyes. “Heaven? Is it fortified? Does it have bears? And are the angels trained in judo?”
2. Biden: Grins sheepishly, taps his foot impatiently. “C’mon, Pete, let’s cut to the chase. Can I get a malarkey-free harp solo and a scoop of Rocky Road gelato? That’s all I’m asking.”
3. Queen Elizabeth II: Raises a quizzical eyebrow, sips her celestial tea. “Heaven, you say? Jolly good. Must have decent corgi accommodations, though. And perhaps a spot of afternoon scones with the archangels?”
4. Elon Musk: Zooms past Peter on a hoverboard, barely glances over. “Sorry, gotta blast! Busy colonizing Mars and turning harps into electric guitars. Catch you later, space cowboy!”
5. Oprah Winfrey: Waves her arms grandly, beams a megawatt smile. “Peter, honey! You know, heaven’s gotta have a little Oprah magic! Book club with the saints, celestial spa days, and a golden chariot for everyone!”
6. Mr. Rogers: Kneels down, pats Peter’s hand kindly. “Neighbor Peter, in heaven, everyone deserves a second chance. So tell me, what good deed can you do to earn your wings today?”
7. Frida Kahlo: Paints a vibrant self-portrait on a cloud, winks at Peter. “Heaven’s a bit too white, wouldn’t you say? Let’s add some color, some passion! And maybe a heavenly Frida Kahlo museum?”
8. Stephen Hawking: Rolls up in his wheelchair, adjusts his voice synthesizer. “Peter, my friend, I’ve calculated the odds of eternal bliss. They’re quite fascinating, wouldn’t you agree? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a black hole to theorize about.”
9. Albert Einstein: Scratches his head, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “Heaven, eh? Relative to what? Perhaps it’s all a matter of space-time curvature and the speed of light. Intriguing, isn’t it?”
10. Mother Teresa: Looks at Peter with a gentle but firm gaze. “Heaven is not a place of privilege, but of service. So tell me, Peter, what good will you do for your fellow angels?”

Remember, these are just satirical jabs, not meant to offend or harm anyone. Let’s keep our laughter light and our hearts open, even in the face of the pearly gates.