Chasing Normal: The Pursuit of Happiness

What is Normal? Yes my friends, what is Normal? What indeed is Normal?

As we traverse through the landscape of life, the quest for normalcy often becomes a guiding light for many, especially as we approach life’s later stages. Now at 70 years old, I reflect on the journey I’ve taken—each chapter filled with both fulfilling and challenging experiences—and understand how each moment shapes our clarity in the pursuit of happiness. This reflection begs the question: whose notion of normal have I been chasing? More importantly, is the chase worth it, or would it be better to simply seek happiness?

To begin, it’s essential to defIne what “normal” means. For many, normalcy embodies societal expectations—stable employment, a home, family, and adherence to cultural norms. This definition varies widely from person to person, shaped by our upbringing, being brought up as a weakling means a weakling most of your life? Sometimes, we must have a Mean person being mean to us to make us Stronger, to toughen us up and Mean too if needed, but we must have experiences, and the environments in which we have lived. As I reflect on my own life, I see how these expectations often led me to on paths that didn’t necessarily align with my own aspirations but rather mirrored the ideals of those around me. The early years of my adulthood, commencing just two weeks after graduating high school with my entry into Basic Training in the U.S. Army, set a precedent for what I believed was expected of me. My time as a crewman on an M-60 Tank, and later as the Gunner of our nicknamed tank, Aphrodites, exemplified a commitment to duty, a trait highly valued in the military.

Overseas, I witnessed the bitter remnants of conflict; the animosity South Koreans still held toward North Koreans from the Korean War, alongside the historical scars of Japan’s occupation. These experiences were profound, highlighting how narratives of hate and struggle influence communities. And Deaths are always associated with the Harsh Training and time in any Tank Armored Division. 52 Tons of Steel does not stop on a dime and Tracks are thrown where you lose all control. And the High Mountains in Korea are a bad thing to fall down from. But the Greatest fear is being run over by a Tank while in your Sleeping Bag. And when I saw the crushed Bag, I can’t forget knowing a person was inside completely crushed like tuna in a can of spam in a bag. You can’t tell it’s a person inside the bag at all afterwards. A horrible sight. But Tanks running over you while in a Jeep leaves strong memories in your head too. Upon returning to civilian life and pursuing education at Texas A&M University and subsequently securing a degree in English at Sam Houston State University, I found myself checking societal boxes once again—this time in the academic realm. I worked diligently at Ellis Unit and Wynne Unit as a Texas prison guard—a position that illuminated the darker facets of human nature and the systemic issues within our penal system. Such lurking Evil I had never seen till then. Each of my Life’s Roles, I undertook added layers of experience but also brought questions about the societal norms I was adhering to.

What is Normal? Yes my friends, what is Normal? What indeed is Normal?

After leaving the Prison law enforcement type Job, I found a brief reprieve in the healthcare field, working at a hospital in Bryan, Texas. Following that, six years in the Texas Oil Fields exposed me to an entirely different reality—one filled with physical labor and unpredictability, which taught me resilience in the face of external chaos. Seeing Wells completely on Fire and Burned up Wells, Well Equipment and Burned up Rigs from Blowouts were things you just don’t forget. A Melted Drilling Rig is a strange Sight. Not what I expected, but I never really had any expectations. When reflecting on these diverse experiences, it’s evident that they cultivated a strong work ethic of Hard Work, Hard Labor and an understanding of community, yet they also sparked a growing realization that the pursuit of a conventional life often led to an unfulfilled yearning for something more.

What is Normal? Yes my friends, what is Normal? What indeed is Normal?

My decade and a half in a lignite power plant was characterized by physical demands and labor-intensive work, where shoveling coal from spills in six-story transfer buildings became part of my daily existence. The repetition of this life set a rhythm but also a degree of existential questioning. Did my work define my happiness, or was I merely fulfilling a role society deemed acceptable? Is this the Normal Life? Following my tenure in the power industry, I transitioned into substitute teaching at a Catholic school, where I encountered youthful spirits and the radiant potential of new generations, emphasizing the value of education and mentorship. This job provided a new perspective on purpose, but inevitably led me back to the prison system, where my understanding of human nature deepened once again. But I did go thru Training to be a Pharmacy Technician and I hated counting Pills. That didn’t seem Normal to me.

What is Normal? Yes my friends, what is Normal? What indeed is Normal?

Reflecting on this extensive career path of a Texas Prison Guard leads to the poignant acknowledgment that while I’ve chased what many would deem “normal,” my true journey revolved around seeking fulfillment and understanding myself. As I’ve grown older, the realization that happiness is a deeply personal experience transcending societal norms resonates more than ever. It transcends the confines of occupation and echoes within intimate moments shared with family, the beauty of nature, and the joy of genuine connections.

Throughout the years, the exploration of joy has become an act of liberation. It invites a genuine assessment of what I truly desire—what brings me joy and defines my fulfillment. Transitioning from the pursuit of others’ definitions of normal to seeking personal happiness has led to transformative revelations about my own values. As I reach the later chapters of my life, reflection on my journey emphasizes the importance of reclaiming my narrative, re-evaluating priorities, and redefining happiness on my terms. To reconnect with those who have forsaken me. And not to forget being so tired that I fell asleep at the wheel while driving home completely wore out from my Prison Work. Knife Fights never seem to leave you. A haunting reminder of the inner living, breathing communities within the Texas Prisons.

Thank goodness for the Rubber Bump Strips on Roads. So, I learned to beat the sleep with a Coca Cola I’d drink on the way home. But-

What is Normal? Yes my friends, what is Normal? What indeed is Normal?

In conclusion, though the pursuit of normalcy may have guided me through various stages of life, the realization that I can now focus on happiness is liberating. The essence of living lies in the richness of experience and the authenticity found in pursuing one’s true passions. Most Jobs I took were out of necessity, not from really wanting that Job but also only ones available. At the age of 70, the exploration of happiness illuminates a deeper understanding of both myself and my desires. Thus, I find that it is never too late to shift focus from what is expected to what truly cultivates joy in life. Too many do not plan for a Retirement, it just gets too old to work and too little saved up with only Social Security to help one make it barely. Barely make ends meet. Whatever Joy that may remain. Embracing happiness as a personal journey invites a life lived not in the shadow of societal norms, but in the vibrant light of individual fulfillment—a path worth pursuing until the very end. One item I need to discuss is my PTSD and I saved it for last. Especially for those of you who have it too and NO, not just Military gets it, anyone can get it if you are in the right event and it causes mental or physical trauma. In the Army in the early 70s, there are things they didn’t discuss and wouldn’t say nothing about and PTSD in the Military is one that’s not discussed. Anytime someone talked about killing themselves, you just got away from them hoping they wouldn’t kill you too. Nothing would be Reported. It’s just the way it was. And PTSD is a mean, mean animal that plays by no rules. One moment all is cool and then that silent whisper of how much better off you’d be be Dead starts creeping in. You fight it. And every day becomes a challenge. Admitting it and talking about it is the hardest. And when you are deep in your own fight with PTSD, you will Hurt Others. You Will! You will drive your family away like a drug addict because they do not and cannot understand it. And they don’t want you talking about it more than once. And being a Vet. They sure become scared of you because they don’t understand it. In other words, be ready to be divorced from your own Family.

Always hurting the Ones you L o v e. But hurting them happens and good luck with that one. Good Luck with your PTSD. Never give up on You!

What is Normal? Yes my friends, what is Normal? What indeed is Normal?

But I wrote four Books and I jammed them full of my real life experiences. I want you to have Hope to help you in your Life. Some things I discuss were difficult to discuss. Or write. But I want your Life to be filled fuller than my own.

What is Normal? Yes my friends, what is Normal? What indeed is Normal?