New Pop a Squat: A Comical Look at our Long Overdue Bathroom Liberation

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, freedom fighters of all ages—gather ’round! You’re Hearing it right here for the very first time. And you can trust it’s true because you can Trust in Me. We’re not going to talk about Fat People no more. We’re here to discuss a revolutionary new initiative rolled out by our delightfully whimsical new administration: “America’s New Pop a Squat.” And you’ll be Fined if you ever say the word-Fat. Yes, you heard it right. But, listen friends, Forget about long restroom lines, crowded coffee shops, and that awkward “do I really need to go or am I just being dramatic” dance. It’s time to embrace the great American pastime: urinating in scenic places. Buy no more racing to the nearest restroom. Those days are over. Just look, they’re Popping Squats everywhere in Gaza. And when you got to go there, you really got to go. Any Hama popping a,squat become easy targets for the IDF. But forget that.

A New Horizon of Convenience

Picture this: you find yourself on a picturesque hiking trail, surrounded by nature’s splendor. Birds are singing, the sun is shining, and oh no, nature is calling! Rather than rushing back to the nearest restroom, you’re now encouraged to pop a squat right where you stand. Thanks to the new administration, it’s not just okay, it’s encouraged! With a grand wave of their executive pen, they’ve officially ditched all bathroom shaming—long live the freedom to tinkle anywhere!

Welcome Oligarchs!

And guess what? This bathroom revolution isn’t just for ordinary Americans! Oh no, our elite oligarch friends will also be gracing us with their presence from all over the World—after all, who could resist the allure of rugged nature and the ability to relieve oneself on a whim? Welcome to America, where your bank account doesn’t dictate where you pee! But it dictates where you can Stay and the new administration will Welcome all of you from Israel. We’re excited to have oligarchs poppin’ their squats next to the Grand Canyon and in front of the Statue of Liberty. Heck, it’ll be all over the 📺.

The Pop-a-Squat Curtain: Your New Best Friend

But wait, let’s face the facts: peeing in public is still a little embarrassing. How do you preserve your dignity while squatting like a champion? Enter the Pop-a-Squat Curtains! These ingenious inventions come in a variety of designs, from floral patterns that scream “I’d rather be in a garden,” to superhero capes that proclaim, “I’m saving the world one squat at a time!”

The Pop-a-Squat Curtain is an innovative contraption that uses a series of highly sophisticated spring mechanisms to shoot up around you as you squat. It’s like a magic show, minus the rabbit and the top hat, but very much focused on your waist down! So there you are, grinning like a kid at a candy store, with your curtain swirling around you like a private port-a-potty that fits in your backpack!

The Totally Embarrassed – A Little Too Embarrassed?

Now, for those of you who are just mortified by the idea of popping a squat, let’s take a moment to appreciate the “totally embarrassed” brigade. You know the type—the ones who wander through the aisles of pop-up restroom curtains, trying to act nonchalant while their faces turn the brightest shade of tomato. They clutch their curtains like they’re holding onto the last life vest on a sinking ship.

Picture one of them at the checkout counter, nervously tossing random items onto the conveyor belt: a bathroom rug, a plant that screams, “I’m so zen,” and a Pop-a-Squat curtain emblazoned with cartoon raccoons. “I like raccoons,” they mumble, red-faced, while the cashier raises an eyebrow and thinks, “Oh, buddy, we’ve all been there.”

A World of Endless Possibilities

While rumors flourish about public squatting etiquette, the New Pop a Squat initiative has opened doors to new cultural exchanges. Forget bonkers bathroom stalls—the world is your restroom now! The folks from coastal cities might be squatting to admire sunsets on the beach while Midwesterners pop a squat during BBQ season, arguing whether ketchup belongs on a hotdog (it definitely doesn’t).

We can already see viral TikTok challenges rising: “The Pop-a-Squat Challenge” where brave influencers go urban squatting in their best outfits, complete with strategically placed Pop-a-Squat Curtains that poof out like the wings of a fab dress. Just imagine the hashtags: #SquatGoals, #CurtainImpressions, and #PeepleNotPuddle. We’re set for a social media frenzy!

In Conclusion…

As we stand on the precipice of this revolutionary change, one thing is clear: “America’s New Pop a Squat” is not just an essay; it’s a movement! It’s an embrace of freedom, humor, and maybe just a smidge of awkwardness. So take off your bathroom shackles and give in to the squatting—because life is too short to wait in line for the restroom!

So, take a deep breath, grab your Pop-a-Squat Curtain, and let the good times roll. Just remember to aim, hold on tight, and may your squats be ever in your favor!

And all Deported Illegals will be given an Umbrella and a Pop a Squat Curtain with nothing but an electrified fence around them standing in a big Open Range.